On June 20, the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion changed its longstanding policy of denying admittance and ordination to individuals wishing to enter the rabbinate in a committed relationship with someone not Jewish.

HUC-JIR Expectations for Clergy Students - HUC
HUC

I received the news as I was about to take off on a flight from Doha, Qatar, to Abu Dhabi, UAE, en route to my cousin’s Jewish wedding in Abu Dhabi (article forthcoming). As the news hit my phone, with other Jewish interfaith professionals like me kvelling over the sea change that we had fought for, I started to cry. Interfaith families like mine have fought to break down every barrier that either explicitly or implicitly declared that we were somehow entitled to less than our in-married brethren. That our intermarried compatriots were denied ordination because of who they loved was not only a disservice to the individuals impacted (of which I am one) but was also an insult to the whole community who were denied these visible representations of living an impactful Jewish life while intermarried.

Weeks later, I still celebrate the decision and I equally grieve for those who were denied this opportunity over the past several decades.

Reflecting back, I want to share a letter I sent to Andrew Rehfeld (President of HUC-JIR) in October 2020 about the need to allow the ordination of Jews in interfaith marriages. President Rehfeld sent me a heartfelt response 21 minutes later. While I will not share his response without his permission, I will say that he did state his belief in a thorough review at the previous exclusionary policy. I am so grateful that he followed through on his promise and I am joyous that the review has led to this outcome.

There are those that may view this decision through a halachic lens, trying to layer over this moment the values of Conservative or Orthodox Judaism and declaring by route that intermarriage is the death knell of the Jewish people. I ask you to pause.

One of the joys of the ongoing experiment and experience of American Judaism is that we provide many different pathways to live a Jewish life. While other movements can make their decisions pertaining to marriage and ordination, I celebrate this moment when my movement where I have dedicated my adult life and raised my children has said that I am not to be denied either education or ordination because of the faith of the man I love.

Dear President Rehfeld,

I find myself in an awkward position to write this letter, having never met you, not being a student at your institution, and while the future is never 100% certain, not likely to ever apply to your institution. But as a dedicated Reform Jew who has spent the last four years thinking about what it would mean to seek ordination and what it means for me as a Reform Jew that the path of ordination is not available to me within my own movement, I hope you will not begrudge me the indulgence of sending you this note.

Without giving you my entire biography, I was born Jewish as a secular Jew in the Workman's Circle movement. I chose to be a reform Jew. When I was a young child, before my bat mitzvah even, I would seek out friends to take me to the local Reform congregation. In the reform movement, I saw a place I wanted to belong. I saw my future religious home. At 25, upon moving back to my native Detroit after law school, I immediately joined a synagogue. Now, 16 years later, I am the treasurer of a different synagogue with two children enrolled in religious school, and my son scheduled for bar mitzvah this coming Spring.

However, as you guessed from the first paragraph, I am part of the growing number within our movement whose spouses are not Jewish. My husband, who I have been with for 22 years and married to for 13, has helped me grow in my Judaism and create a life that allows me to dedicate significant amounts of time to the Jewish community. But he is - and always will be - Catholic.

Over the past several years, I came to realize that I wanted to leave my legal career and dedicate myself full time to the Jewish community. In many ways, the idea of becoming a Rabbi was a compelling option. But I learned early on that HUC was not an option for me because of who I loved, because of who I had married. Other options were presented, but I cast them aside. I am a Reform Jew. If I were to seek ordination, I would seek it as part of the Reform movement.

I chose another path. I am now a graduate student at Wayne State University in Sociology. My desire is to study the Jewish community, specifically focusing on the rise of interfaith marriage and its impacts on the community. I am thrilled I found a path which I pray will allow me to contribute to the community.

However, I remain haunted by the path that was blocked for me. What does it mean for me to be so dedicated to a movement that thinks I am not good enough to be ordained because of who I love? How can I continue to remain so committed to this movement, how can I raise my children in this movement, when the movement still rejects who I am?

The worst part is that I see within HUC's policy an attempt to have it both ways. To both be welcoming to interfaith families while still upholding that they are less than.

CCAR Responsum 5761.6 stated “although we welcome mixed-married households into our community, we do not condone mixed marriage itself.” It noted that “we should never forget that the ideal towards which we rabbis strive, teach, and lead is that Jews should marry Jews” and “a rabbi’s life and home should embody this ideal.” Its conclusion states that “a Jewish religious professional, whose very life is dedicated to setting an example of Jewish commitment to which our people should aspire, cannot serve as a ‘positive Judaic role model’ if he or she is married to a non-Jew.”

This tells me that I cannot be a positive Judaic role model. I can give my time to the movement. My Catholic husband and I can give money to the movement. I can pray. I can devote every aspect of my being to the health and well-being of my community, but in the end, it will never be enough. I will always be less than.

This effort to have it both ways it what is dooming our friends in the Conservative movement. Either we believe as a movement that interfaith marriage is a valid option that Jews can make, or we don't. Either we believe that Judaism should be celebrated in all of the myriad ways that it exists in 2020, or we don't. Either I am fully Jewish, with all of the privileges and obligations of our community, or I am not. There cannot be an in-between.

I know what I ask of you is not easy. I know a statement that interfaith Jews are truly equal in the community would be shocking to many. But the path we are on rejects not only me, but thousands of Jews like me who are proving every day that one can live a Jewish life and still be in love with someone who is not Jewish.

I pray that HUC will choose to side with inclusion and change its policy to include those Jews who are in love with non-Jews to seek ordination through HUC.

All my best,

Alicia Chandler